Riding the wave

Thanks first of all for all your comments on my previous blog entry. It helps to be reminded that I am not alone, even though down deep I know I am not. Thanks again.

Yesterday Danielle and I drove to the beach. There is just someting about the beach. It is very calming and smoothing to me. I was very glad we went later in the day because i enjoy walking the beach and the people more than just laying out. We walked and watched the surfers. The waves were actually very good. We saw some wash out and some keep their ground. I won't say i didn't laugh at some wash outs.... like I could do it anyway. I watched as they continually failed and picked themselves back up and tried again. I watched as they succeeded and rode the wave until it ended, but they still had to start again on a new one. It so reminds me of life. Even if we succeed once the battle doesn't stop there. We have to continue after each failure and success. I also noticed that if they got up and were riding the wave they leaned into the wave. Leaned into it. They didn't run from it, or just coast... they leaned into it. They faced it head on. They watched it move and movedwith it. And by doing that they stayed aboard. I guess I need to apply it that I have looked at myself, I noticed some good and some bad. Some things I want to change and some things that I would never want to change. I have faced it. I have looked inward now it is time to look upward. If I continue to look inward nothing will change. I will just continue to see what I saw yesterday. I now need to look to HIM and see what He sees. I need to learn to rely on Him more completely and totally. I 'm not totally sure i know how to do that. I just the phrase once again comes into place... one day at a time. Maybe by looking outward I change finally change it and deal with it and stop avoiding it. Sometimes what is familiar is not what is healthy or safer or best... it seems like it usually fails all three. Change is different, yet sometimes necessary. Maybe through expressing it all and not hiding behind it... by bringing it into the light it can heal.

Below is the excerpt from the book I was talking about yesterday.....

"becoming real begins when our stories start ot collapse. When out orderly worlds become erratic, when we begin to see patterns of behavior we don't want in our lives, we are forced to see beyond the fiction. Becoming real isn't the same as being happy or free from pain. Becoming real is a wonderful state of richness and personal power that dwardfs anything else. Becoming real happens when we accept ourselves in our totality-- the good, the bad, and the ugly, the strengths and the weaknesses. Becoming real doesn't happen overnight, nor is it possible without some effort, but when it happens, we expereince a freedom unimagined. When we become real, we are able to have the exquisite connection to ur lives tand loved ones that can only come when we coose to stop pursuing the pain- avoidance filters that lso keep out life's pleasure, meaning, and joy." To be honest, I'm not sure if this is the one I wanted to write to you all but it seems to work for now.

I guess I am just asking for all to pray for me. and of course continue commenting....
cheryl